Dave, I thought for sure that you were going somewhere else, that you were going to mention the AA slogans that I find don’t hold up. They include the likes of, “Hi. I'm Bill. And I'm an alcoholic,” and, "It's one day at a time," and, "If you take one drink, you've fallen off the wagon,” to name just some that come readily to mind.

My dad, a two-fisted, whisky-drinking alcoholic and occasional stumbling drunk, belonged to AA and fully supported their rhetoric. When I was in my early 20s, and he'd been off whisky for years, I was aghast to see him sit with a friend and have a cocktail.

Uh-oh, I thought, he's fallen off the wagon! OMG!

But to my amazement, his life remained normal. I noticed that he could take an occasional drink and be fine. So, what’s with that?

Years later, I also began to drink. A little, at first. Then more. And finally, every evening until I was often shitfaced. My drinks of choice were rum, scotch, and vodka. Yes, I’d become an alcoholic!

But after more than 20 years of that, and in failing health, I stopped cold turkey.

All of that is now well in my past. And I’m the healthiest I’ve ever been. And I now look back at those AA adages with horror. If I were to say, “Hi. I’m Bob. I’m an alcoholic,” it would be total bullshit. I mean, how am I now an alcoholic? I have occasional drinks with no adverse effects. I drink a small glass of wine once or twice a week with my dinner.

And maybe once a year, or less, I’ll have one drink of hard liquor when out with friends. With no lingering cravings or adverse effects of any kind. And I haven’t had a hangover in more than 30 years.

So, the only purpose I can see for such lines as “I’m an alcoholic” or “It’s one day at a time” is to make sure that someone with a drinking problem remains a prisoner to that belief and under the control of AA’s leaders.

So, fuck that! I’m not an alcoholic. Yes, I was. In my now-distant past. But I am now a perfectly healthy 85-year-old who keeps himself in excellent physical and mental condition.

And the only way I’ll die any time soon is for someone to come along and beat me to death.